After 20 years of life, I’ve never been in a relationship, much less kissed anyone or had sex. And it kind of sucks. Am I behind? Is there something wrong with me? If anyone knows how I can figure this out, please send any and all resources my way.
It’s difficult for me to not think it’s my own fault that I’ve made it through high school and my first two years of college with no “action” whatsoever. And of course, it’s not. But tell that to the sex-dominated American popular culture.
Sex was a taboo topic growing up for me, and frankly, it’s still really difficult to talk about. As I type out my thoughts, a voice in my head is scolding me for exposing my vulnerabilities and becoming a joke.
But I know someone out there is reading this, and they, too, have felt or feel this way. And I’m here to reassure you that you’re not behind, and everyone works at a different pace.
Here’s a funny scheme I came up with earlier this year: in my sulky state, I decided I was going to plan out exactly how I was going to lose my virginity (blame it on my control freak tendencies). And believe me, I came up with such a grand plan it’s kind of a shame that I have not used it on anyone yet. This included who I was going to have sex with, when I was going to have sex, what outfit I would be wearing, how I would ask to have sex, the whole shebang.
Needless to say, all of that came out of my emotionally chaotic state of mind because I was craving… Some type of acceptance into the elite world of those who have sex? Physical gratification? Knowledge on what life is post-having sex? Finally understanding the hype about losing my virginity? Who knows.
With a clearer image head (and many conversations with my mom and my friends), I realized I was projecting my insecurities into the world. For some reason, I was finding faults in myself when there was absolutely nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with not having sex. There is nothing wrong with not dating. There is nothing wrong with me. And there’s nothing wrong with you either. Everybody has their own journey to embark on, and no individual will follow the same trajectory. And that’s ok because it is a learning process for each and every one of us.
Take a deep breath, and take it easy on yourself. It’s hard to do, but we’ll get through it. Be patient, and give yourself the space to be comfortable with yourself and your body.