Adolescence

Knowing the stages of your child's sexual development will help you both anticipate and better understand your child's questions. Behaviors vary widely, but the events listed below show the general process of sexual development, during childhood and adolescence. Some of these phases are not as obvious as others. You may not know exactly when your child passes through a stage or exactly what your child learns, but you can prepare for the "visible" stages.

Stages of puberty in girls

• Around age 10 (or at about 68 pounds), a growth spurt occurs; ovaries begin to secrete sex hormones.
• Around age 11, breast enlargement begins; body shape gradually rounds.
• Around age 12, soft, downy pubic hair and some underarm hair appear.
• Around age 13 (or about 106 pounds), menstruation starts. There may be an inconsistent and irregular discharge at first; pubic hair thickens and spreads.

Stages of puberty in boys

• Around age 11, boys may have a "fat period."
• Around age 12, penis and scrotum begin to increase in size; spontaneous erections occur more often.
• Around age 13, pubic hair grows, followed by growth of underarm and facial hair. Ejaculation and wet dreams possible.
• Around age 14, voice changes occur; weight and height may increase rapidly.

i. Adolescents are very concerned about body development, sexuality, self-esteem, their changing relationships with parents and friends, and their need to establish independence. In talking with teens, the goal is to give accurate information and help them discover what they feel. In doing so, they can take responsible control of their lives, particularly their sexual lives.

During adolescence, young people need to know more about:

• The way their bodies will change.
• The nature of relationships, between friends, men and women, men and men, women and women, themselves and a parent.
• The ups and downs in life, including depression and thoughts of suicide. Your askability is an invaluable asset at this stage. Crises about sexuality and relationships may set off depression and anxiety.
• Sexual orientation. Teens are interested in the specifics of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. They may discover their sexual orientation at this age.
• Doctor-patient confidentiality. Adolescents should know about why it's important that their doctor knows about their sexual habits.
• Safer sex. Make sure your child understands safer sex and behaviors that reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
• Common physical health concerns. For girls, it may be helpful to discuss pelvic examinations before the first visit to the gynecologist. Acne is also a major cause of anxiety, and your support can make life easier.

Your willingness to talk to them about all aspects of their lives remains important. Even if you prefer that they behave differently, make sure they know you care about their health and well-being.